Coastal IPA by Old Abbey Ales 

Trigger word: Coastal.

Remember the show ‘Going Coastal’? I ‘member! That show sucked shit. I was on that show once. Funnily enough, that was the only episode that didn’t suck shit. No, I’m not bias at all!

My little brother, myself and my brother from another mother. ‘The Rich Texans’

See, my brother, best friend and myself, got really good at ‘Rock Band’ (the video game). So, we entered a competition put on by EA and absolutely obliterated the competition in the preliminaries, only one other band even came close, and we were only a 3-piece! We were that good. The only other band that came close we dubbed ‘hat guy’ because their leader wore a stupid-ass hat.

Pictured here, with stupid hat.

Anyway, long story short: We got to perform the finals at ‘The Roxy’ nightclub, where we fucking destroyed the competition again (hat guy was so pissed) and won first prize in the competitive category (trip for 4 to someplace sunny that I didn’t go to). The whole thing was recorded for that dumb show, and we ended up on TV being interviewed by a passive-aggressive midget. She was a snob in real life, and I wish her nothing but failure in all future endeavors. I can’t find a picture of her because she’s not famous, nor does she deserve to be.

Fun side note: My brother met his future wife at that competition! 

Alright I’ll talk about beer now.

The pour is a cloudy, rusty orange with 3+ fingers of slightly yellow lumpy foam. FAT chunks of lacing.

The smells are orange zest, pepper, earthy tones and a sugar cookie base. Zesty and fresh, this smells quite good.

The tastes are sweet and tart. Grapefruit, lemon rinds, orange zest, black pepper, raw honey and browned toffee. Pretty damn bitter overall. Not bad.

The mouthfeel is fairly light bodied and a little watery. Flavors hang around the back of the palate and leave the bitter peppery notes behind. Carbonation is WAY OVER 9000.

3.5/5 As far as IPA goes, it’s decent, but I doubt I’ll get it again as it has no real defining features that I’ll find memorable. Perfectly serviceable one-and-done.

WE win. Fuck Hat guy and his dumb ass hat.

And yes, that’s Vancouver Mayor Gregor Robertson. He’s got all the personality of a vapid car salesman in real life.

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