‘Perfect Storm’ Oatmeal Stout by Townsite Brewing Inc 

Perfect Storm eh? Wasn’t that a shitty Dramedy with George ‘Smugface’ Clooney and Marky Mark ‘I’m violent towards black people’ Wahlberg?.. Looked it up and I’m mostly right. Really though, the funny part is that this movie got green lit, especially after Georgey Peorgie almost killed Batman with his fucking Bat-nipples. Asshole. 

The fucking psycho we DESERVE. Stupid voice aside.

Townsite has some pretty interesting, and very cluttered labels. They stand out though, that much can’t be denied. When the conversation of best breweries in BC gets to bubblin’, these guys are consistently brought up, and deservedly so. They have a wide variety of different styles and seem to be perpetually churning out new brews for the sampling. They crafted the only Dark Witbier in existence (probably), and a bunch of other hybrid/twisted styles that keep beer geeks like myself running out to the liquor store and running out of money. Keeping my liver on its toes too. Just kidding, my liver fucking hates me. 

Why is the brain wearing glasses?

I think that from an actual measurable scientific stance, a perfect storm is probably impossible. I mean, how do you measure perfection in this case? Amount of rain? Wind speeds? Stink? These are all equally irrelevant questions, that beg to be ignored! Does wind have a maximum speed? Because if it does, that would be a requirement for a perfect storm, no? Maximum rainfall too. I imagine that would essentially be solid water falling from the sky, like an ocean just fell from orbit. How about if the storm had a volcano in it? Or a Sharknado? Fuck I must be high. 

Satanic urination.

The pour is a thick, muddy, jet black with a small amount of fine, tan foam that immediately waned to a tiny collar. 

The smells are massive chocolate, massive vanilla, hints of liquorice and toasted oats. The vanilla/chocolate combo is powerful. 

The tastes are vanilla and honey oats off top. Has a tinge of coffee bitter and a slight of true cacao. Also sports a slight heat to it, where from is anybodys guess. It’s only 5.5%! 

The mouthfeel is thick and muddy. Flavors coat the whole mouth, leaving mostly the bitter coffee behind. Very low carbonation, as is expected. 

4/5 All in all, a straightforward stout done right. If I wanted a great stout with no gimmicks or frills (which I often do), then this is a perfect choice. A better go-to than a Guinness. 

His shit was spandex, still no bat-nipples.


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