Coffee Blonde by Spinnakers Brewpub

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Back-to-back coffee beers. I ain’t complainin’! I have no time for complaints!

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Don’t like coffee? That’s a shame.

Every time I think I may be close to making my way through all of Spinnakers releases, they go and release another several beers. Now, this is far from a complaint, believe me, this is actually the opposite of complaining. It’s an uncomplaint; an unplaint. I still haven’t had a bad beer by these guys, or even an uninteresting one for that matter. Every beer they make is, at very least, completely teresting. I like making up words when I can’t think of anything to say.

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I should enter a caption here, but that face is pissing me off.

I’m in between jobs at the moment and I’m dreading encountering someone like this at my new job. For any of my new coworkers that may read this: If you feel the need to utter any of the following phrases, just know that you are instantly as hated as that clueless dick that microwaves fish in the break room.

Here are some phrases that piss me off to no end, in no particularly aggravating order:

“That’s what she said!” – This has never, ever, been funny. You are not funny for saying it, and I have a minor embolism every time I hear it. You won’t even receive a pity chuckle for it.

“It is what it is” – Fucking what? You WOT M8?! This is the most meaningless drivel anybody can spit out. It’s an empty phrase that people say to try to seem deep or wise. You are not wise or deep; you are uncreative and have nothing interesting to say. THAT’S what ‘it’ is, you capital douche.

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Every animal that gets uppity automatically becomes an Aussie.

“Something has to change!” – What has to change? Oh, something. I see. This phrase is the calling card of the new mom, a phrase so vacuous and pretentious, Jayden Smith just claimed he came up with it. Seriously, fucking what? You know what this actually means? “I don’t like what is happening, but I’m too fucking stupid to come up with any solutions. I hope somebody will fix this in a way that I see fit. Now shut up, Oprah is on.” Fuck you and your idiocy.

“Frankly..” – These people are never frank. They don’t understand that ‘frankly’ means ‘succinctly’. They say ‘frankly’ then proceed to lay out in great detail what they are trying to say. THAT’S NOT BEING FRANK DILLWEED!  Are you normally evasive?!

“Honestly..” – So you usually lie to me, but not this time! I’ve noticed the biggest habitual liars use this one a lot.

“Sorry not sorry” – So you’re just a prick then? You are sorry that you aren’t sorry. God damn that’s the stupidest shit. This is just dripping with Canadian-egativity.

“No offense, but..” – Get ready for an insult. Just insult me already, you two-faced nob gobbler.

“Hot enough for ya?” – I understand that small-talk is a part of the human experience. I get that. It still makes me want to lock you in a vacuum chamber filled with my protein farts.

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That new protein internal combustion reaction.

The pour is a cloudy, honey amber with no real head, just a minor collar and slight haze. No lacing.

The smells are very mild, unlike the aforementioned protein farts. Honey, hay, oats, and faint roasted coffee (pre-brew aroma). It’s a delicate and pleasing aroma.

The tastes are honey, Wheaties™, pekoe tea and cold-press coffee. The coffee is really mild and, similar to Spinnakers other creations, in that it’s a complementary flavoring rather than a showcase flavor that the rest of the beer has to catch up to. Pretty damn good!

The mouthfeel is light and crisp, with a lower, ticklish carbonation level. This is supremely crushable, and at 4.5% I wouldn’t end up on the floor (too quickly) if I did. Flavors slowly creep from back to front, leaving a nice bitter coffee glow in its wake.

4/5 You know, I don’t even really like blondes that much due mostly to the ‘delicate’ nature (ie: bland), but this is a winner! Yet again, another fantastic Spinnakers brew! Suffice to say, this is my favorite brewery. Ever. THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAfuckyou.

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My face when… I get my ass beat by Diaz. hurhurhur

 

I have reviewed many of their eclectic brews, check em oot!

A got a golden ticket!

Happy new beers!

Novembeer!

Titanic stout!

The original crazy journey.

English IPA.

Dark sour!

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