‘Timbertrain’ Coffee Stout by Russell Brewing Co


Oh dearest coffee, how much I love and need you to keep away the demonic forces that urge me to mercilessly dismember and eviscerate everyone for everything always. It used to be aided in its quest to keep me borderline sane by its brother, nicotine, but I’ve been steadily cutting that out of my life for obvious health reasons. Now I am a douchey vaper, at least that’s what the online trends seem to indicate. I didn’t know I was gay until those memes started popping up all over social media.


My lungs are cleaner but I suddenly crave penis? Fuck.

Still better than being a filthy, stinky, cancer stick sucker. Enjoy your blackened lungs, yellow teeth, cardiovascular inferiority, stinky breath and lighter wallet ‘bro’.

So picking this up was easy, because it says coffee and stout, two of my favorite things at once! Combining favorite things doesn’t often go awry, but can probably think of a few bad examples. Like drinking and driving, or cooking bacon naked, or water and breathing, or a wife and a girlfriend.


Check out this cool trick! Hold still...

For some reason the wife took issue with the girlfriend.

The pour is jet black with a finger of fuzzy chocolate brown head that melted away to a nice collar. Very fine lacing.

The smells are cold-press coffee, faint chocolate, granola and dark cherry. Mostly coffee aroma, and that’s fine by me. It’s making me crave a cigarette, so I just sucked a dick instead like the memes told me to.

The tastes are dark black coffee, toast, almonds, and a pinch of molasses. This one is all in on the coffee flavors, it’s pretty much all-encompassing. Pretty good for a one-trick pony. Quite coffee-bitter too.

The mouthfeel is heavy and viscous. Good amount of carbonation. Flavors float around the roof of the mouth.

3.5/5 All in coffee stout that knows why it’s here. Coffee. All of it. You like coffee? Get it.


My face when. Now excuse me while I go tickle this dudes scrotum with my moustache.


Bonus 'vapers sew gey' meme.


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