‘Noble Pilsner’ by Stanley Park Brewery

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PSA: This is a mean review.
*rolls sleeves up*
*clears throat*

HEY GUYS. WHERE DID YOU HIDE THE FLAVOR?!

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Not here.

This was my first thought. Passed it around to my friends and the responses were all pretty much the same.

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Nope. Not here either.

Apparently ‘noble’ stands for ‘absence of taste’ in Stanley Park. It barely tastes like wet raw wheat or maybe hay. Barely.

I have yet to try a Stanley Park beer that didn’t suck. The lager sucks. The pale ale sucks. Black holes suck less than your sucky beer line up.

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Sucks slightly LESS than a Stanley park beer.

The Stanley Park ‘Brun’ is also an abomination that would serve best as a toilet bowl cleaner. It actually made my toilet shine pretty bright. Too bad the toilet puked it back up, as even my sewage lines have better taste than that.

OH YOU DAMN RIGHT.

I hate to be mean (that’s a lie) but, you straight-up deserve to know this. Fix your damn shitty beer. I’ll come down and say it to the main chef, because I really don’t care. I care about good beer.

Sir Stanley is spinning in his grave.

1.5/5 It STINKS it STINKS it STINKS (yes Mr Sherman, everything stinks). I’d rather drink hose water.

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