Blonde American Lager by Guinness


Venturing outside of the norm, I’m giving the new Guinness Blonde a shot. Guinness is ubiquitous in the beer industry and anyone that considers themselves a critique has downed a Guinness or twelve at some point in their life. Although it isn’t the largest brewery in the world anymore (Anheuser-Busch InBev took the title after the 2012 merger), it is still the largest producer of Stout. I used to consider Stout nasty ditch water, but then, I also used to be an pleb* that drank nothing but Budweiser.

*Pleb definition from Urban Encyclopedia for those that don’t game:

1) One who’s inferior intelligence results in them making a complete titface out of themselves in public.

2) One who has had their brain replaced with a cucumber whilst visiting the doctor for a routine check up.


Because ‘newb’ is too mainstream. #justhipstershit

My obvious superior intellect keeps me firmly out of the pleb caste, and heartily wedged directly up mine own anus.

So I poureth. It poureth a rich amber color, with no head and a thin collar with mild hazeing. Looks like a typical blonde, it will continue to look good until it tries to formulate a sentence. Or a word, for that matter (high-brow non-plebs make dumb blond jokes, take notes).


My best angle.

Smells are forward and simple with mainly whole wheat, sweet grain and a hint of vanilla. The taste follows the nose closely with sweet grain, dough, and a touch of vanilla. The alcohol isn’t covered very well and hopping is negligible.

The mouthfeel is fizzy and light, like most lagers tend to be. It’s a tad over carbonated for this style of beer.

3.5/5 Straightforward and satisfying. They aren’t kicking down doors with this new offering, but it serves well as an average sacrifice to the lager gods.

“I’ve got blonde on blonde
On my portable stereo
It’s a lullabye
From a giant golden radio
It’s a lullabye
From wonder-woman’s radio” – Bob Dylan


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