‘Stoutnik’ Russian Imperial Stout by Longwood Brewery

Big thanks to John the Russian for giving me this one! If anybody else wants to give me beer, just let me know. I won’t mind at all. In fact I insist.

I’ll just start off by saying, I’m not a fan of Stout but I like this. I believe that this is a good foothold to branch out to other stouts.

The brew is deep black, much like the icy cold heart of the average Russian. This particular stout smells really potent, like red wine (my brother said coffee).

It seems to be one of those brews that sticks and coats your whole mouth. The flavors and aroma hang around and seem to get stronger as I go. This goes down so smooth, Lionel Richie made it write him a song.


You can’t say no to such a glorious mustache.

Taste is reminiscent of molasses in a three way with chocolate and liquorice, which as awful and kinky as it sounds, works well.

Says it’s Russian Imperial which means I need some ‘Red’, ‘rusky’ and ‘dirty commie bastard’ jokes in there. I’m Putin a few in whether you like it or not

Glass 2 thoughts:

“… I’m drinking chocolate molasses and somehow enjoying it. Life gets you in the feelings sometimes”
“Every sip I take, every single vape, fuck I hate The Police” (U2 sucks as well)
“It looks just like coffee… OH WOW I JUST GOT THE BEST IDEA”

I’ll quit Stalin and wrap it up.


How do you even caption this creepshow?

3.5/5 I like it, sweeter than my usual selections. I wouldn’t drink it all night but it’s easily my favorite current stout.

PSA It won’t pass as coffee if your boss has a sense of smell.


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